I’ve always admired people who take baths on a regular basis. For me, they’ve always been one of those maaaybe once a year indulgences that would be nice to do more regularly, sure, but just never feel practical. I mean, if I can pop into the shower and, all in, be out in five minutes, how can I justify a whole hour long, (or even a 20-minute) production?

It also seems like having some claw-footed, marble masterpiece is a prerequisite for being a ‘bath person,’ and while my bath isn’t horrible, I don’t get super jazzed thinking about sitting in it for extending periods of time. In all honesty, I probably would have kept living a bath-less life had I not injured my knee during an overexcited dance routine at Tracy Anderson, but here I was: a (basically) bum leg and a packet of Pursoma’s Digital Detox Bath I’d gotten in a gift bag a few months back. Desperate times = desperate measures.

This wasn’t the first time I’d heard about Pursoma’s bath concoctions- Gwyneth Paltrow & GOOP speak very passionately about them- and this particular strain from their line mentions a ‘reduction of muscle tension from stress or a tough workout.’ After setting the mood with a candle and a quick bathroom clean-up, I chugged my glass of water, (a crucial step, don’t skip it), and stepped into the steamy, clay and sea salt-filled water. So how did it hold up?

They claim: “This bath is no joke.” (Seriously, that’s the first line on the back of the package).

My experience: Understatement of the f*%cking year. But more on that later.

They claim: “Modern day life burdens us with overuse of cell phones, laptops, and electronic devices. Through ionic exchange, Montmorillonite Clay has been known to pull out toxicity from the pores and can help revitalize the system.”

My experience: This is 50/50 for me. I definitely believe our many, many electronic devices can be burdens, and turning them all off, even for a 20-minute bath, is good for your mental health, but I didn’t feel anything noticeable re: toxicities being pulled from my pores.

They claim: “Sea salt stimulates circulation and can help to relieve stiff joints and muscle cramps, relaxing the body for a deep cleansing effect.”

My experience: This delivered. At the bare minimum, I was expecting muscle relief from this experiment, and I’m not sure if it was the sea salt necessarily, but something in it works wonders. Within 10 minutes, the pain in my knee had been knocked down from throbbing pain to dull- that is, until I stood up to dry off. The knee was whatever, but the rest of my body hurt, literally everywhere. Drudging out of that bath was what I imagine trying to stand up from quicksand is like, and thank god no one was there to witness my attempts because they were not pretty.

You’re not supposed to shower after, so I toweled off to prepare for Part II, a ‘sweat and rest’ where you’re expected to lie bed for an additional 20 minutes post-bath, (see? A full production). The last thing I remember before collapsing into my bed is reminiscent of the aches and pains associated with being feverish- total body soreness, uncomfortably sweaty and exhausted. I then proceeded to sleep for nine and a half hours.

When I woke up the next morning, after what was, hands down, the best sleep of my entire life, I felt serene. My skin was baby soft, I was bouncing with energy, and best of all, knee pain-free. In fact, I didn’t notice how many little aches I was carrying around until I didn’t have them anymore. If you’re one of the many January detoxers or are just in need of a good night sleep (I FEEL you), fork up the $18, and while you’re at it, stock up on a few extra. You’ll thank me later.

Credits

Photography
Greyson Tarantino